Finding My Place

When I first arrived at the Mission I was pretty nervous and scared about how it would all unfold. On entering, I was first searched, along with all of my stuff. At that point I became very nervous because I couldn’t remember if I brought my knife in my bags or left it behind. If any type of weapon or pornographic material is found on you, you’re asked to leave. Thank God I forgot to bring it with me. As I made my way inside the inner courtyard I was shocked to see so many people crowded inside. I had never seen so many homeless people before. On the streets you usually see them alone or hanging out in very small groups. I was scared that they would all of a sudden turn and stare at me, the obvious outsider. Luckily everyone was busy doing their own thing. Some were sitting in the shade playing chess, some sleeping under the trees, others moving from group to group seeing what the new word was while the rest were standing in line waiting for a bed ticket. I made my way to the main offices and was greeted by a very kind looking older man. He told me that he was one of the chaplains at the mission and quickly started me on the process of living there. I had to fill out some forms and have my picture taken. My things were then taken from me to be stored in a 72 hour lock of which I could only access once a day. Now it was just me and the clothes on my back in this strange new place.

Since it would be a couple of hours before dinner would be served, I made my way out of the mission to do a little exploring of downtown Nashville. It was truly a fascinating city; much bigger than I expected. This allowed me to have a good walk around town. But being from California, I didn’t expect the humidity to be so high. So I went from building to building trying to stay cool and even stood next to outside vents that blew out their AC from inside. As I was getting thirsty too I realized that I couldn’t find a drinking fountain anywhere. Granted, there were public fountains everywhere and I did become a little tempted but realized that I wasn’t that desperate….yet.

I finally found the Nashville Public Library on my little adventure and upon entering discovered a row of drinking fountains that literally looked like they were shining in the lobby. I thanked God that he lead me here and began to drink liberally. I must admit, I don’t spend much time in libraries but this one was one of the nicest I’ve ever seen. On my way back to the mission I sat down on some steps next to a huge Methodist church to enjoy the shade. A couple minutes later, what looked like maybe a cop or local guard, rode up to the curb on his bicycle and told me I couldn’t hang out there. I quickly got up and continued my walk back. Later that night as I was remembering my day, I couldn’t help but wonder how someone living on the streets does it day by day. Just finding those things necessary to survive was a challenge to me and to think that this was just a typical day in the lives of many men and women brought an uneasiness to me.

Back at the mission everyone was jam packed into a sort of waiting room for diner to be served. I was only in there for an hour but it felt like maybe two or three. I was fortunate to find a seat in the back; away from all those curious eyes that sooner or later I wouldn’t be able to escape. Then at 5:00 sharp a member of the staff walked in and shouted “Take off your hats!” Everyone listened to him and bowed down to listen to his dinner prayer. Right after that we were lead, one row at a time, to stand in line outside the cafeteria. Since I was in the back we were the last to be called and since my stomach was growling so much, I was afraid there wouldn’t be any more food. Boy was I wrong! Our plates consisted of soup, salad, bread, desert, soft drink, various meats, and mashed potatoes. It looked like the best thing I’ve ever eaten, and it tasted that way too. That gave me hope that I would be able to look forward to three satisfying square meals each day of my time here. When I was being served I tried to do it as quickly as possible. The young people volunteering in the kitchen were high school and college kids from churches in the area. It felt weird being on the other side of the counter this time since back home in Long Beach, I volunteered a number of times at the local mission. However, as time passed I would become more comfortable with the looks and glances that some of those volunteers gave me; obviously curious to know my story and how I ended up living at a mission. Once I got my plate I quickly scanned the huge cafeteria looking for a good table to sit at. I found one with only one man and made my way there. I purposefully tried not to make eye contact with anyone along the way for fear of what their reaction towards me might look like. On sitting down I looked around and noticed that no one was staring at me. They were all too busy eating; which I got down to do.

Chapel started at 7:00 every evening of the week and it was mandatory for everyone who was going to spend the night there. I was looking forward to the service since it would be my first church experience in awhile. Once again I arrived early and found a good seat towards the back. Soon, the whole chapel became jam packed and one of the chaplains stood up front to begin the opening worship. He opened with a very traditional Christian hymn that reminded me of the church I grew up in back home. After this the guest preacher was introduced. He was an ex-drug addict and use to live at the mission as a transient so many people in the audience knew him. I was amazed to hear someone with so much passion and energy talk about what God had done in his life. He was quite the comical character as well to the enjoyment of the audience. However, as I looked around, I noticed that a quarter of the men were sleeping and here and there you’d hear someone making fun of the speaker with jokes and profanity. This wasn’t the church service I grew up in.

After service they dismissed us by the dorms we were sleeping in. We would make our way through the laundry rooms and each man would be handed a blanket with a sheet wrapped inside of it. On entering the dorm your blanket and sheet were searched for dangerous materials. When I walked inside the A dorm, I couldn’t help noticed how big it was; a huge room filled with bunk beds. It reminded me of a mixture of jail and an army barracks; none of which I’ve been to but I had a pretty good idea it wasn’t much different. I found my bunk and set up my bed hoping that I’d be able to fall asleep on a rather hard mattress surrounded by heavy snorers. I just wanted to make sure that during my first night I’d get enough rest for a big next day. I set my cell phone alarm to wake me up at 3:00 am so that I would be able to take an early morning shower. At that point, I was still uncomfortable taking a shower with the other transients. However as time passed, many things about myself would change. So I said my prayers and went to bed.